*** See added note at bottom***
Dear Tiger and Elin Woods-
What will you both do next?
Just Wonderin’-
The World
“You are not tied to any past mistake unless you lash yourself to it.”
– Guy Finley
I’ve made a mistake.
In fact- a whole slew of them.
And just recently, a whole string of them in succession-each one quickly snowballing into the next one- until there was one massive snowman appearing before me- born out of a tiny snowflake.
Okay, bad winter analogy- I know. But you get the picture.
It is a rare individual who has not banged their head against the wall wondering why they can’t release themselves from a vicious cycle of mistake-making- usually falling neatly into the same recurring categories.
Let’s take Tiger Woods for instance.
Personal identification and charged-up emotions tied to the Tiger and Elin story are rampant now-hitting close to home on various psychological, and relationship levels for many people. The world is waiting to see if he is as great at overcoming and handling a difficult time in life as he is at the game of golf. And what will Elin do?
As always, with these well-publicized hyped-up situations, there seems to be at least two opposite camps-the loyal supporters of Tiger and those that say-”No way buddy-Unacceptable.”
So Tiger has some choices now, and so does his wife Elin.
As the world watches, what will they do next?
Can we all find some Tiger and Elin in each of us? Perhaps not in their exact story, but in the feelings associated with mistakes-both the little ones and the full blown kind. It is fascinating, heartbreaking, sometimes entertaining, and actually even possibly relieving to watch this taking place. Why relieving?- Because it It gives us a break from the focus of our own mistakes.
“Well look what Tiger did? He’s not so great. I am a better man than he is.”
I can identify with the desperation Tiger and Elin must be feeling right now- prisoners of mistakes. And I’m sure many others can as well.
There are times that we have our own stockpile of mistakes that keep us tethered down with continuous feelings of-
“Ugh when will I learn”, our inner-Charlie Brown talking in our heads.
But thankfully, we have the ability to choose what happens next when these mistakes are made.
That crucial time after our mistakes are made-The Moment of Truth.
So in honor of this sensationalized situation, I have written some Dear Abby tips to Tiger, myself, and anyone else who is having difficulty dealing with past errors.
1. Awareness & Acceptance that the mistake was made-
Are we aware and can we accept that we made a mistake? We must be be able to recognize it, own it, and accept that it has taken place; otherwise nothing is getting done. The ability to be reflective and realize errors is not always present in everyone-yet it is something that most of us are completely capable of handling.
2. Forgiveness for the mistake-
Sometimes we can easily forgive others,but forgiving ourselves can be a different story. We are often the hardest on ourselves. And yes, even those that appear to not give a hoot-inside may be in turmoil for their transgressions. Forgiveness work is key, otherwise the angry emotions remain.
3. The Lesson here is?
Hopefully, if the first two steps are completed then this one will naturally fall into place. Do we actually know what it is we would like to NOT DO the next time around, and are we ready to committ to learning from the situation? This can be the step that people get stuck in, repeating the same exact patterns and never really moving out of the cyclical nature of the mistake.
So I added the next step to help move it along:
4. Untie the Tether-
Does replaying everything over and over in our heads continuously land us in the same predicaments?
The chains to the mistakes may, in part, keep us tied to them. Both Tiger and Elin will need to find a way to release themselves (and each other) from the reminders of the past. If they fail to do this one step, they risk being in a marriage where psychological manipulations and ugly emotions come into play-both with each other and in their own psyches.
Could it be as simple as just making a choice-an ability that all of us have in every moment?
Are you hanging onto your mistakes (or someone else’s), by muddying yourself (or them) in guilt, sloshing around in shame, and then presenting yourself to the world in all your messiness for everyone else to have to bear.
Untie your tether today. It’s your CHOICE, really!
(Added note on 12/8-This article was written before all of the numerous other stories about Tiger. In light of all this new info, if it is indeed all true- let’s hope that Elin will NOT try to save this marriage and will move on with her life. Sounds like Tiger needs to do a lot of the first three steps before he moves onto the fourth.)
