Do you find yourself experiencing repeat patterns in your life that range from slightly bothersome to just plain excruciating?
What you resist persists.
A cliche saying, yet so true. The very thing that you are hoping to avoid, praying to sidestep, and fearful of experiencing; the thing that is haunting you because you have tasted it’s unpleasant-ness before. It’s starting to happen... AGAIN! The victim in you is fed. Why me? Are you doomed to keep repeating the same situation over and over again. Maybe. Can you do something about it? YES It is my understanding that the time before we turn the delightful age of seven is filled with many instances that map out some of our later life experiences. If they are undesirable, they could be linked back to the result of childhood trauma, neglect, cruelty, labeling, parental and societal beliefs, karma, or anything else that might make a deep and lasting impression on the childhood psyche. These repeating patterns can be recognized because they tend to bring about intense physical or emotional reactions: sweating, shaking, nervousness, heart palpitations, extreme anger, avoidance, feeling as if someone is pushing your buttons, or fear to the point of terror are some common ones. There is also generally a feeling of desperately wanting to be in control while feeling as if you are spiraling out of control. And most certainly you feel you are being victimized in someway. That some one, or some thing, is making this happen to YOU. Why ME? Is there any way to deal with this evil victimization monster? Here are my three R’s: 1. Recognition OF the pattern- See the situation as a recurring pattern in the first place. Are you running into the same personalities that you hate to deal with, feeling stuck and hopeless in certain situations, falling prey to being taken advantage of, finding yourself in similar relationships that you aren’t happy in, and so on…? Take note-”What’s the pattern here?” 2. Take Responsibility FOR the pattern- This is the tricky, yet empowering part of the victimization story. We attract to us not only the things that we do desire, but also the things that we do not desire that are up for both re-examination and healing. Allow your emotions to be the guide. If the situation presented is intensely uncomfortable, you continually complain about it, or you allow it to hold you back-you are allowing the victim to thrive. 3. Release the pattern- Instead of the conditioned reactions that bring you into these situations in the first place- avoiding, fearing, shutting down, or blowing up; Hold it up to the light- so to speak. Breathe into the negative emotions, and talk to them. Um, silently please.- Show your willingness to face the monster in you, even if you are terrified in the moment. You can pray, breathe deeply, move your body to release tension, draw an appropriate boundary, or just do somethng completely un-like you to handle it in a brave and non-harming way. Shed some light on the shadowey demon-and you are showing that you are ready to release this pattern and move on. Instead of nurturing the drama and the victim, take some steps to stand up and watch the monster shrink-it may be an immediate end to it, or it may take several attempts, but I can guarantee you will begin to notice a lessening of the hold this monster has on you. And if all else fails just keep in the tradition of Halloween, look the monster in the EYE and say… BOO!
As an aside: Isn’t it funny that we can so plainly observe what is holding someone else back in life, yet find it difficult to see these patterns in ourselves?
