and unfortunately, we can also be quite Fierce AGAINST our Sisters (all of the women that are woven into our lives, as well as those we’ve never met).
When green-eyed Jealousy appears-LOOK OUT.
(Note: Of course, this emotion is just as present in men as in women-I am writing to what I have known and experienced in my own life, as a woman.)
On Hidden Jealousy
From my understanding, a multitude of generations ago, jealousy was only supposed to be a man’s emotional right. The man, being the pursuer in the relationship, had the ability to possess this emotion and it was considered normal. On the other hand, for us women, it was a darker emotion that we were not supposed to have in our emotional repertoire. This pain-ridden shame over jealousy seems to have remained in the female psyche.
If we begin to explore and understand that jealousy is, indeed, just as much a rightful part of the woman’s emotional palate as the man’s, then perhaps we can begin to shift the way it manifests in our lives.
Oh My-Those Jealous Reactions
When we are jealous we can feel threatened and ashamed. We may feel the need to compete-to be sexier, smarter, more appealing, creative, talented, knowledgable or just ”more right”. Rather than being uplifted and inspired by other women who have something we envy, we lash out- sometimes subtly and other times in an outright, disdainful tirade.
We may also find ourselves desperately trying to hide this painful emotion, or disguising it- even from ourselves. If it comes up in discussions with others, it will often display itself under the guise of a piece of gossip or a put-down, rather than an admission that we might just be secretly feeling a little jealous.
When we react to jealousy, as it occurs, we are not only conceding our own personal power, but we are also damaging the power of women as a whole. And it’s not really promoting a harmonious relationship with the men in our lives either. Many relationships break up over these feelings that we are desperately trying to resist and hide.
Jealousy and RRrrrreeeeeooOOWWWW!!!!!
Female cattiness is prevalent in our society. It begins even in very young girls. Jealousy-laden gossip may be discouraged by us, yet it is also thoroughly modeled at the same time. So what method is going to prevail here? What we say, or what we actually do?
There can EVEN be a very subtle to overt jealousy mothers will feel with her own daughters, or the friends of their daughters(who may hold a perceived threat to their own daughter’s success in the world). This too is a normal feeling, but one that would be best to be handled in a mature, and loving, way by the mother.
It is my thought, that because jealousy is present in ALL WOMEN on some level, and because we generally all feel a sense of shame and guilt attached to it, we are instead being presented with a chance to connect over it in the positive, advancing-kind-of -way. If we can begin to unravel jealousy as a natural emotion that we do not need to identify with, then perhaps we can move out of this stage in which we are currently stuck.
I have been the disher of jealousy, and the receiver. I think we can all agree that neither position feels like a good one. I also know from my own personal experience, that some of the women that I have felt jealous of in my life, have also been women that I admired, adored, and wanted to connect with on a deeper level. That desire to connect can already be present in the feeling itself.
Jealousy’s Gift
So… What then would the world be like if we were able to recognize our jealous emotions and refrain from lashing out over them? What would it be like if we felt okay about having this emotion, observing it ,and letting it go without it becoming all-consuming?
Below are some suggestions for things We Can Do.
We Can Accept Jealousy When It Shows Up.
The first step to creating ANY positive change is through acceptance for what is. Resistance of the current emotional state only drives the perceived negativity deeper into our psyche. In case you haven’t noticed, resisted situations will always continue to emerge (wearing the same outfit or a new one) until there is some level of acceptance for them showing up in the first place.
We Can Understand That Jealousy Is a Normal and Shared Emotional Experience.
Women, men, and children-we all experience this emotion-some more intensely than others. So why is it so taboo to admit it? I believe that as women it makes us feel that we appear not-so-confident, or wrong for feeling jealous. Yet, if we come to an internal and collective understanding that all emotions are normal and it is what we do with them that matters, things may begin to shift.
We Can Learn to Be a Witness.
Learning to be a witness to your emotions, as well as a gatekeeper, is a sign of emotional maturity. It usually becomes more difficult to contain ourselves when we have no amount of personal time spent in meditation, prayer or some other form of reflective examination and stress reduction. Obviously, in our world today, we are completely bombarded in all directions to the point of overload. I believe it is absolutely vital to carve out this time for ourselves- even if for five minutes a day, preferably more.
We Can Get Into Integrity with Ourselves and Other Women.
The thing about personal reflection and meditation is that it usually continues to reveal layers of ourselves that we might not be too keen on facing. So instead, we tend to make excuses for why we won’t, or can’t, take the time. Yet, everytime each layer IS faced- a level of INTEGRITY is restored and the spirit becomes less fragmented. Each time we restore that layer in ourselves, we are also planting a seed for women everywhere.
We Can Learn to Revel in Another’s Joy and Accomplishments
It has been said that when we truly learn to be happy for other’s successes and joys, we invite more of the same qualities into our own lives. We may need to fake it at first, especially with certain people, but as we make the continued effort, it becomes a more natural process. What we see in others can also be a reflection of our own beauty, or it may be a recognition of what we would like to see more of in our lives. We can look to these women as models, mentors and teachers, rather than women to compete with that “have what we want”.
We Can Gather with Other Women Who are Committed to Change
There are many fabulous women (and men) out there who are not only sensing the shifting energy that is happening to change the world as we see it today, but they are also heeding the inner call to participate in this shift. These women are busy examining all of the outdated structures that are holding us all back in so many ways. We can find them and join them, or we can create our own groups of committed women who are consciously making efforts to move forward.
As a side note: Friends and family can sometimes be a difficult place to exercise new ways of relating because of the pre-existing patterns, and bonding mechanisms, that are already in place. By practicing in other settings first, we will begin to bring these new ways of being into our intimate and familiar relationships, because we are now embodying these qualities more naturally ourselves.
We Can Bond over Something Different
There are many subjects that we women bond over that are NOT jealousy related. When jealousy begins to creep in, we can learn to recognize it, and shift our attention to something else. I have recently been examining the subtle levels of jealousy and gossip in my own life. I may have convinced myself that I am not a gossiper only to find myself doing- none other than- gossiping, even if I am disguising it as something else.
Doing things differently takes a lot of conscious effort. It may feel weird, not as popular, or not as fun. It may meet with great resistance, and we may lose friends over it. It’s not going to happen overnight, and we will make mistakes, but we have to start somewhere.
Let’s begin to do the work neccessary to find a way to relate to this aspect of ourselves, so that we are NOT continuing an all-too familiar pattern.
Let’s find a way to leave jealousy-driven gossip OUT of our conversations, and OUT of our BONDING.
Let’s make a conscious effort to relate to one another in a way that UPLIFTS the human race by PARTNERING with other women , rather than undercutting them.
I believe that this is necessary, and necessary right now.
My Amazing Sisters-If you have any thoughts about this blog post, I’d love to hear from you.
(and if you happen to be a man reading this article” For Women Only”-I’d love to hear from you also)
I invite you to leave your thoughts and comments below. Just click on the leave comment link at the foot of the post.
This holiday season has been filled with delays, conflicts, leaks, flooding, friends and family in need of assistance, stress, home remodeling, trepidation, sadness, a major decision, tender moments, my birthday, lots of travel, renewed friendships, some tears, awe, delight, joy, relief,and, thank goodness- a lot of laughter. I’ve witnessed an eventful three weeks (to say the least), at the culmination of 2009.
I would imagine that I am joined in many of my feelings, and also in some of my adventures.
At this time of year I am always reflecting-reflecting with the arrival of Winter, reflecting with my December birthday, and reflecting with the approaching New Year. This year, the reflection has a different flavor, carrying with it the end of a decade, and the beginning of a new one. So much has transpired from the start of the millennium until now. We have seen tremendous changes in the world- collectively, and personally.
“And Then- There Was Snow.”
Snow came on the weekend before the celebration of Christmas. Snow in all of it’s glory- silently falling; cascading down to be cradled boldly by the Earth.
We all see weather extremes in various ways- from despising them to delighting in them, and somewhere in between. I found myself joining in my son’s excitement at the time of the snow’s falling, and also in that first sled of the season. But at the moment that I stopped feeling my toes-I quickly joined the ranks of grumpy- snow- resenters.
.“Lots of Snow on the Ground”-Day Two
My 7-year old was putting his snow pants on almost as soon as he opened his eyes on the morning after the BIG SNOW. As a single parent, I knew that this would be my responsibility to cater to my sweet child’s childhood.
With so much to do during the last week before Christmas- I found myself slipping into a slightly panicked feeling, that promised to grow with every passing minute.
The once beautiful snow was now looking increasingly mushy and gray,
…and cold; if cold has a look to it. I think it does.
As I continued down that mind trail with my larger than life to-do’s in tow, I suddenly became aware of a voice in the background of my muddled thinking. It stopped me dead in my tracks, and it had something very important to say-a familiar cartoony voice, with a message that I needed to hear.
That day my holiday gift came early and it came from an episode of Sponge Bob.
I stopped for a moment and paused, becoming mesmerized.
“Sponge Bob”, Patrick starts, “We need to be living in the moment.”
Patrick then grabs Sponge Bob and starts running with him under his arm- football style.
Sponge Bob calls out sounding worried,”Where are we going Patrick?”
“To live Sponge Bob, to live.” Patrick answered back boldly.
In the next few days I ran across many reasons to get stressed, and at moments I did, but I also continued to hear Patrick’s funny voice.
My son has only one childhood and I, only one adulthood, at least in this lifetime. Our lives can be quickly changed in an instant. This coming year may be our best year yet, or it may hold the biggest challenge we have ever had to bear, or maybe a combination of the two.
As 2010 falls upon us, it is my wish that we experience optimal health, crazy amounts of happiness, strong financial flow, deeper relationships, and greater awareness; especially greater awareness.
As we cross the threshold into a new decade, may we slow down and empty our minds enough to hear the special messages we need to hear-just like the one I heard from the Sponge Bob episode.
Now that I have a regular meditation practice, I was just thinking how nice it would be to find a special timer. I just recently saw an ad for this clock and I was thrilled to find just what I had intended.
(Gaiam Website Description) A thoughtful gift for people with a meditation or yoga practice, this versatile clock can be programmed with up to 99 sequential timers. The countdown timer features a visual onscreen circle, and the alarm uses soothing chimes of Tibetan singing bowls. China. Enso,which means circle in Japanese, symbolizes enlightenment, elegance, and the universe. Traditionally, the enso is painted with a single clockwise brushstroke, beginning and ending at the bottom. The central display feature of the Enso Clock is the painted circle that surrounds the screen and is gradually brushed onscreen as the timer progresses. This way, the user can glance at the Enso and see the relative amount of time that has elapsed, eliminating the distraction of focusing on the exact numerical time that remains.
“You are not tied to any past mistake unless you lash yourself to it.”
– Guy Finley
I’ve made a mistake.
In fact- a whole slew of them.
And just recently, a whole string of them in succession-each one quickly snowballing into the next one- until there was one massive snowman appearing before me- born out of a tiny snowflake.
Okay, bad winter analogy- I know. But you get the picture.
It is a rare individual who has not banged their head against the wall wondering why they can’t release themselves from a vicious cycle of mistake-making- usually falling neatly into the same recurring categories.
Let’s take Tiger Woods for instance.
Personal identification and charged-up emotions tied to the Tiger and Elin story are rampant now-hitting close to home on various psychological, and relationship levels for many people. The world is waiting to see if he is as great at overcoming and handling a difficult time in life as he is at the game of golf. And what will Elin do?
As always, with these well-publicized hyped-up situations, there seems to be at least two opposite camps-the loyal supporters of Tiger and those that say-”No way buddy-Unacceptable.”
So Tiger has some choices now, and so does his wife Elin.
As the world watches, what will they do next?
Can we all find some Tiger and Elin in each of us? Perhaps not in their exact story, but in the feelings associated with mistakes-both the little ones and the full blown kind. It is fascinating, heartbreaking, sometimes entertaining, and actually even possibly relieving to watch this taking place. Why relieving?- Because it It gives us a break from the focus of our own mistakes.
“Well look what Tiger did? He’s not so great. I am a better man than he is.”
I can identify with the desperation Tiger and Elin must be feeling right now- prisoners of mistakes. And I’m sure many others can as well.
There are times that we have our own stockpile of mistakes that keep us tethered down with continuous feelings of-
“Ugh when will I learn”, our inner-Charlie Brown talking in our heads.
But thankfully, we have the ability to choose what happens next when these mistakes are made.
That crucial time after our mistakes are made-The Moment of Truth.
So in honor of this sensationalized situation, I have written some Dear Abby tips to Tiger, myself, and anyone else who is having difficulty dealing with past errors.
1. Awareness & Acceptance that the mistake was made-
Are we aware and can we accept that we made a mistake? We must be be able to recognize it, own it, and accept that it has taken place; otherwise nothing is getting done. The ability to be reflective and realize errors is not always present in everyone-yet it is something that most of us are completely capable of handling.
2. Forgiveness for the mistake-
Sometimes we can easily forgive others,but forgiving ourselves can be a different story. We are often the hardest on ourselves. And yes, even those that appear to not give a hoot-inside may be in turmoil for their transgressions. Forgiveness work is key, otherwise the angry emotions remain.
3. The Lessonhere is?
Hopefully, if the first two steps are completed then this one will naturally fall into place. Do we actually know what it is we would like to NOT DO the next time around, and are we ready to committ to learning from the situation? This can be the step that people get stuck in, repeating the same exact patterns and never really moving out of the cyclical nature of the mistake.
So I added the next step to help move it along:
4. Untie the Tether-
Does replaying everything over and over in our heads continuously land us in the same predicaments?
The chains to the mistakes may, in part, keep us tied to them. Both Tiger and Elin will need to find a way to release themselves (and each other) from the reminders of the past. If they fail to do this one step, they risk being in a marriage where psychological manipulations and ugly emotions come into play-both with each other and in their own psyches.
Could it be as simple as just making a choice-an ability that all of us have in every moment?
Are you hanging onto your mistakes (or someone else’s), by muddying yourself (or them) in guilt, sloshing around in shame, and then presenting yourself to the world in all your messiness for everyone else to have to bear.
Untie your tether today. It’s your CHOICE, really!
(Added note on 12/8-This article was written before all of the numerous other stories about Tiger. In light of all this new info, if it is indeed all true- let’s hope that Elin will NOT try to save this marriage and will move on with her life. Sounds like Tiger needs to do a lot of the first three steps before he moves onto the fourth.)
I am finding it appropriate (as any good, little, holiday observer would do) on these days leading up to this “Day We Are Thankful”, to bring into awareness my own reasons for appreciation this year.
I am reflecting on the vast concept of gratitude in a more specific-kinda-way.
The stream of consciousness I am experiencing is whispering,
“I am thankful that…
You are my teacher.”
And just who exactly are you?
You are the one who is wise, loving, generous, and patient; overflowing with abundant goodness and compassion towards others, and our Earth. You are the one who inspires me to no end to follow in your footsteps, and make a difference in this world.
It is in you that I see those things that I know are also present inside of myself; those very qualities that I strive to cultivate and expand in my life.
Nice thought.
But wait, sometimes…
You are that person that I would rather not deal with at all, because of your arrogance, anger, egoism, ignorance, elitism, or any other undesirable -ance or -ism that you may, or may not, even realize you are exuding.
It is you who appears to me in the most clever of disguises.
And, if I am truly heeding and recognizing your lesson, dear teacher, I am also learning to spot these same elements in myself- displayed shamelessly for me, by you.
So you see now,You are my teacher.
You show up in many ways.
YOU have revealed my gifts, when I I was unable to see them.
YOU have humbled me, when I thought I was great.
YOU have burst my heart open, allowing me to experience even greater depths of love the next time around.
YOU have been the most revealing mirror.
YOU have helped me to sort out the people, and beliefs, in my life that have held me back, and you have opened my eyes to those that keep moving me forward.
You are my teacher.
YOU have believed that I couldn’t do it, and it taught me I could.
YOU have placed limits and labels on me because of your own insecurities, leading me to finally realize that I am limitless.
YOU have also showed me what REALLY brings happiness and fulfillment in life.
YOU have taught me that I don’t need your approval, or blessing, to follow my purposeful path.
You are my teacher.
When I felt vehemently opposed to your point of view, the judgements rising up to my eyeballs-
You were there.
When I formed my own personal Hell on Earth, created especially for me and exclusively by me-
Mm hmmm, I knew it. I thought it was you.
When I finally started to realize that life had nothing to do with acquiring anything or anyone-
Yep. Guess who?!
YOU were the one who showed me that security is an illusion, and that change is inevitable and constant.
YOU paved the path before me, brilliantly exposing what I now know to be true- that dedicating my life to something beyond the personal, and material gratifications on this Earth, is the only way to be on purpose.
And when I looked into your eyes and felt the palpable presence of God-
That was you there, my teacher.
I’m onto you teacher and Im into you too.
I am in reverence of every opportunity to have you as my teacher in this life- the one that I am so privileged to be experiencing.
Although, I was thinking…
It would be nice if you would occasionally introduce yourself first.
You could say’“Hello there. I may be staying in your life for a long while, or I may just be with with you for a very short time.”
“I am your teacher.“
A big, gracious thank you, to all the teachers in life, however, and IN WHOMEVER they may show up.
Are you looking for some natural immune system boosters to bolster your strength against the spread of VIRUS this season?
We all know the common, universal suggestions that are important in assisting the body in staying healthy: hand-washing, nutritious eating, and proper exercise usually make the top of list.
There are, however, many more natural tricks that people use to substantially boost their chances of staying healthy, and/or recovering quickly from a bout with a COLD or FLU.
It can be daunting to make decisions for yourself and your family when it comes to health. There is so much information out there, and it is often conflicting.
My own interest in using a predominantly NATURAL approach to healthy living has led me to utilize several natural immune system boosters that continue to have positive effects on my well-being. This is just a partial list that I believe keeps me in excellent health year after year.
Note: This is not medical advice. Please do your research and check in with your doctor/trusted health professional (especially if you are on any medications, or have pre-existing health issues). These are things that work for me, but as with anything, there may be side effects, or dangers for certain conditions. Never add something new unless you have fully considered your own unique habits, medication needs, or other health issues.
1. Turn Your World Upside-Down
This is the mother of all yoga poses: an INVERSION or headstand. As little as 3-5 minutes per day of raising the body above the head is said to be extremely beneficial to the immune, cardiovascular, endocrine, digestive, lymphatic, and nervous systems of the body. This one posture has been called “the fountain of youth“. I have a body lift at home that makes it easier to do this pose without added pressure on the body. However, you can perform an inverted posture without any props; as long as it is done with proper instruction.
(As mentioned above: It is important to make an informed choice before trying something new. There are certain conditions that are aggravated by this pose, and the pose should be done properly to prevent injury.)
If you like it HOT! Try it on your pizza, your popcorn, in your soup, and in your casseroles. I go through cayenne pepper quickly in my house. Your mouth may be burning, but you’ll appreciate the benefits. Cayenne pepper is a booster of IMMUNITY, as well as a helpful assistant to circulation and digestion.
3. GSE-Grapefruit Seed Extract
Grapefruit seed extract has both anti-viral and anti-bacterial porperties.The brand that I use is Nutribiotic. Grapefruit seed extract can protect against viruses, fungus, infections, and parasites. It has many uses topically and orally; as well as in natural cleaning practices, and even can be used for pets. (use as directed) This inexpensive product lasts for a long time. I absolutely will not be without it.
Cinnamon is another inexpensive spice that you, most likely, already have in your cabinet for cooking. I leave this one right out on my countertop. If what I am preparing can handle this spice-a generous shake it gets. Some ideas for cinnamon spice-up are: cereal, oatmeal, coffee, pancakes or waffles, yogurt, bake-goods, casseroles, and desserts. Cinnamon provides ANTIOXIDANT power for flavorful immunity. It also carries antimicrobial properties and helps to regulate insulin.
5. Rebounding
And finally…my favorite… the art of rebounding, or bouncing on a safe trampoline. Just 10 minutes a day is all that you need to reap the benefits of this trailblazer in fitness and wellness. It doesn’t matter what type of shape you are in, because you can gently bounce on a safe rebounder using a handrail. Rebounding stimulates our lymphatic and cardiovascualr systems, and definitely boosts the immune system. Not all rebounders are made with safety in mind. A cheaply bought rebounder can cause nerve damage, as well as other injuries. I highly recommend the CELLERCISER for your healthy, bouncing enjoyment.
I encourage everyone to be proactive in STAYING HEALTHY, rather than waiting until they are sick.
Here’s to empowered health this season; not through fear of what you may come in contact with, but through knowledge of what you can do to stay healthy!
Hmmm… the safety net of taking the time to process something.
As humans we tend to hide behind anything that might assist us in remaining under the thumb of our current circumstances; nurturing our victim-ness.
WHY?
Because frankly we don’t really want to take the effort involved for lasting change. We feel comfy-cozy just where we are; even if we say we hate being there. We might be claiming we are moving to new heights, when all we are really doing is just sitting in our same s@#* on a different day.
Prolonged spiritual healing, psychological processing, creating space and time boundaries, attending certain support groups that keep us trapped in victim-land, conversations with well-meaning friends, family and colleagues who are also committed to remaining stuck-These are all examples of the safety net arsenal of excuses used for not taking action; not moving forward in life.
And please note: I am not suggesting that some of these things are not beneficial and needed, but I am, instead, suggesting that there comes a point in time where these activities can become self-serving and non-productive.
We all have the life experience of intense challenges and pressures in our chaotic world today. We also tend to identify with our suffering situations and think we are special for having them. Yet many of these “problems” are self-inflicted by our own perception of them.
Each of us usually has a recurring issue in some form or another, that we are contemplating, processing, and healing from on any given day. These issues are given top billing in our minds to the point of obsessive thinking. We then like to pull out our excuse tool bags and use the contents to explain- away why we are currently unable to confront something in our lives, or alter it.
“It’s a process.”
This statement comes quickly and easily to the mind and lips because it relieves us of any need to actually- once and for all- evolve to our higher human potentials. These pat, overused phrases keep us wedged into an undesirable, self-indulgent, and rather lazy spot.
So the next time we hang our Under Processing signs up, we can ask ourselves- ”Do I truly require the time to process this, or am I just hiding behind the excuse to get out there, and do something constructive with this energy that keeps sending me into the “processing” construction zone?”
“Am I really engaging in life, or am I continually processing it?”
Okay sooo, before we move ahead…I might need some more time for…you know…processing.
Do you find yourself experiencing repeat patterns in your life that range from slightly bothersome to just plain excruciating?
What you resist persists.
A cliche saying, yet so true. The very thing that you are hoping to avoid, praying to sidestep, and fearful of experiencing; the thing that is haunting you because you have tasted it’s unpleasant-ness before. It’s starting to happen...
AGAIN!
The victim in you is fed.
Why me?
Are you doomed to keep repeating the same situation over and over again.
Maybe.
Can you do something about it?
YES
It is my understanding that the time before we turn the delightful age of seven is filled with many instances that map out some of our later life experiences. If they are undesirable, they could be linked back to the result of childhood trauma, neglect, cruelty, labeling, parental and societal beliefs, karma, or anything else that might make a deep and lasting impression on the childhood psyche.
These repeating patterns can be recognized because they tend to bring about intense physical or emotional reactions: sweating, shaking, nervousness, heart palpitations, extreme anger, avoidance, feeling as if someone is pushing your buttons, or fear to the point of terror are some common ones.
There is also generally a feeling of desperately wanting to be in control while feeling as if you are spiraling out of control. And most certainly you feel you are being victimized in someway. That some one, or some thing, is making this happen to YOU.
Why ME?
Is there any way to deal with this evil victimization monster?
Here are my three R’s:
1. Recognition OF the pattern-
See the situation as a recurring pattern in the first place. Are you running into the same personalities that you hate to deal with, feeling stuck and hopeless in certain situations, falling prey to being taken advantage of, finding yourself in similar relationships that you aren’t happy in, and so on…? Take note-”What’s the pattern here?”
As an aside: Isn’t it funny that we can so plainly observe what is holding someone else back in life, yet find it difficult to see these patterns in ourselves?
2. Take Responsibility FOR the pattern-
This is the tricky, yet empowering part of the victimization story. We attract to us not only the things that we do desire, but also the things that we do not desire that are up for both re-examination and healing. Allow your emotions to be the guide. If the situation presented is intensely uncomfortable, you continually complain about it, or you allow it to hold you back-you are allowing the victim to thrive.
3. Release the pattern-
Instead of the conditioned reactions that bring you into these situations in the first place- avoiding, fearing, shutting down, or blowing up; Hold it up to the light- so to speak. Breathe into the negative emotions, and talk to them. Um, silently please.- Show your willingness to face the monster in you, even if you are terrified in the moment. You can pray, breathe deeply, move your body to release tension, draw an appropriate boundary, or just do somethng completely un-like you to handle it in a brave and non-harming way. Shed some light on the shadowey demon-and you are showing that you are ready to release this pattern and move on.
Instead of nurturing the drama and the victim, take some steps to stand up and watch the monster shrink-it may be an immediate end to it, or it may take several attempts, but I can guarantee you will begin to notice a lessening of the hold this monster has on you.
And if all else fails just keep in the tradition of Halloween, look the monster in the EYE and say…
If you would like to become a more active participant in co-creating your life, present moment or now awareness is the KEY.
Our everyday thinking is typically to our disadvantage, unless we begin to tether ourselves to the present. In order to effectively create from the moment, we must actually be aware of it.
You may be thinking, “My mind is all over the place and I have too much to do everyday to think about the present moment.” If this is you, you are, most likely, the person who needs this the most.
Here are five easy tips you can use TODAY for a more aware you:
1. Witness Mindset-
About six years ago, I started to notice number patterns (i.e. 11:11 on the clock) everywhere I looked. When these numbers started to make frequent appearances, I googled them in hopes of relieving the freak-out-factor feeling that was beginning to creep up on me. To my surprise, there were entire websites, forums, and theories devoted to people who see number patterns.
After perusal of this new information, I clicked into the theory that most worked for me. When these patterns appear in my consciousness stream, I choose to monitor my thoughts. I now become the witness to the thought train that is currently presiding over me and I question it,
“Is this a thought that is serving me, or anyone else right now?”
If you aren’t into or aware of numbers patterns, choose something else that you notice frequently throughout the day- use it as your trigger to become present.
2.Mantra/ Prayer-
Mantra or prayer repetition is an effective way to stave off your current trail of negative thinking. It is effortless to repeat these comforting words in your head during stressful, or non-productive thought moments.
When I become aware of my overactive thinking mind searching for a new problem, or focusing on an old one, I can immediately drop down into prayer or mantra mode.
Eknath Easwaran does a lovely job of discussing mantra and prayer for a quieter, healthier mind and lifestyle. You can view my recommended reading tab above for his book on meditation which discusses mantra repeptition- how to’s and benefits- in greater detail.
3. Breathe-
Most of us do not breathe properly as we begin our progression out of childhood. The stress of living creates shallow breath, and other improper breathing patterns.
I am constantly having to remind myself to breathe properly- and sometimes even to breathe at all- in particularly stressful situations. The good news is that with continued practice and focus on breath, you can begin to retrain yourself back to early childhood breathing for added vitality and health; benefiting all systems of the body.
Breathing into the moment can completely change your perspective on any given situation in an instance, and it can create a more thoughtful approach to yourself, and to others.
4. Listen-
I mean really LISTEN. More than half of the time someone is speaking to us, we are trailing off, or we are thinking of our own responses and agendas. BECOMING a master listener is an art form takes a great deal of practice, especially in this world today when we are being distracted at every turn. Great listeners not only deepen their connection with others, but they also become acutely aware of more information and nuances that make them effective and charismatic communicators.
Those of us that tend to be half-listeners miss out.
Even though I have written this as an easy tip, it can actually be difficult for many people to listen attentively, myself included.
5. Meditation-
The mother of all ways to be in the NOW is with practice, practice, practice. Without awareness of your thought patterns, you remain blind to the situations that are presenting themselves, and you might often find yourself feeling stuck or as a victim of life.
Making a commitment to sit every day, even for 3 minutes, will help to cultivate presence. It doesn’t matter if your mind is in battle or racing mode the whole time, eventually it will begin to quiet down.
Just sit down and shut up for a bit each day.
All of these things are always a work in progress. Pick one or two and focus on them for the week. Then see if you aren’t a little more aware of the habitual thought patterns that keep you from experiencing the now.
As you become more aware, not only are you able to create a better future for yourself, but you are also affecting everyone around you by example, and by the positivity you are sending out into the world.
This Thai commercial for Pantene is a stunning portrayal of the HUMAN SPIRIT and the beauty of creating MUSIC from the most painful moments in life. A masterpiece!
Snow came on the weekend before the celebration of Christmas. Snow in all of it’s glory- silently falling; cascading down to be cradled boldly by the Earth.
